Why

tears roll down my face at the thought of never being able to have a baby. not being able to go to the dr does not help one bit. i just wish i knew why. all of the WHYS, why me, why now, why face hair, why, why, why.... nothing makes since to me. i don't know what i am supposed to be doing. do not know what job is going to come or not come. i do not know what josh is going to do, will he go in the army or will he try to find another job? right now looks like neither. i wish i could get a good job. it is hard when no one will hire you with out experience or a ged/ high school diploma. it suck having to rely on someone for everything. especially if that someone acts like they dont want you around.(this is just what i feel).................why can some people have babies with out even trying or being young and still have alot that they want to do. or like the duggers that can keep popping them out even after 19. and i cant even have one all i want is one to have, hold and watch grow up. teach them about the lord, right and wrong. again why why why why why. that is all that i can think of. on the other hand i feel so bad for feeling like this.