today is a day i will never forget for many reasons

one of the many reasons is that my baby sister sierra was born today at 104 pm. the other is that it hit really hard that i have been waiting to have a baby for 5 years. this is a happy and sad day all at the same time. this is not something that i am proud of by any means and i am truly happy for my mom and step dad. and congrats to them. i just keep asking what did i do so wrong that i am not able to have a baby. is there even a way that i will be able to have a baby? all of these questions and more go through my head every day. i do not think that people should live their live asking themselves these questions. so that is why i wonder about them so often because i know that i have not done anything to not be able to have a baby. but one still has to wonder. i guess it would be helpful to be able to talk to some one that has went through this and knows how i feel but now i dont so i guess i have to write it down to kepp from having it all bottle up inside and then blow up one day at my husband that does not deserve it. my husband is a great man and wants me to talk to him about it but he does not understand the pain and everything that is involved with not being able to feel like a woman and have the body work the way it is supossed to. and because we are not made of money there is not even a way that i can feel like a woman is supossed to feel. i thank god for my family and everyone that he has brought into my life. and i pray that he keeps everyone of you safe and away from harm.